Tuesday, April 3, 2012

What a Difference a Week Makes

This post is probably going to jump around a bit because I have so much to say and share after this very trying and eventful week.  Brandon made his arrival a little over 24 hours after me being induced.  There were some definite challenges during my labor and delivery but that will a post for a different day.  
Brandon Lee Chauvin
Born March 28, 2012 at 12:37PM
8 lbs 3 oz, 20 3/4 inches long

We are somewhat starting to settle into a bit of a routine (eating, diaper changes, and sleeping) but definitely not on a regular schedule.  Everything I do has revolved around Brandon and making sure that he is as happy and content as possible.  We have only been home for a few days, didn't get discharged from the hospital until Saturday afternoon, and I feel that being in my own space without all of the distractions the hospital can give has allowed me to start feeling somewhat normal again (or the new normal I should say).  
Father and Son

I will say that my emotions are all over the place and I feel like to could cry at any moment, not because I am sad or upset, I think more a long to lines of just having gone through all of this and sometimes feeling overwhelmed.  Also, I have cried more just from being happy.  Staring at my son's beautiful face makes me realize how lucky I am and how much I already love this little guy.  

I don't know how I could have done any of this without the greatest support system in the world, Nick.  He has been the rock that I have needed when I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I will be honest, I do not know how he is so calm all the time and seems like he has it all together, but I will take it.  He is such a great dad and so wonderful with Brandon and I am so glad I get to embark on this journey with him by my side.  

We have already had some speed bumps along the way.  After about the 3rd night we noticed that Brandon was constantly wanting to breastfeed, when I say constant I mean for hours at a time.  I really started worrying because he was crying non-stop (I really mean non stop, too).  This started happening while I was still in the hospital so I just assumed if something was really wrong the nurses would tell us.  I really started to think that we just were going to have an extremely fussy baby who cried all day and all night, and never slept (which meant I would never sleep hence the uncontrollable crying that ensued on my part).  

Well, come Saturday night, our first night home and we are still having this same issue.  Brandon constantly wants to eat and is inconsolable for all hours of the night.   I finally came to the point where I started to think I'm not producing any milk and this is why he is screaming non stop.  Nick and I decided to try some formula just to see if this was the case, and lo and behold it was.  Brandon gulped down the formula.  His tummy was so empty you could literally hear the milk going through his system.  This of course caused me to start crying again because I began to realize I had been starving my child without even knowing it.  I think some of this may be attributed to how difficult my labor was as well as how sick after labor I got (they tried putting me in ICU and I refused; I was not going to be separated from my child).
I <3 this little face :)
I felt so terrible because of this and because I so badly wanted to be able to breastfeed.  Well, we are now on day 6 and I still have no milk (really just drops).  I continue to try and pump to see if it will come in but I am starting to come to the realization that it just may not happen; and that's okay.  All that matters now is that I know Brandon is happy and healthy.  He is sleeping better, eating better and just being all around amazing. 

This is going to be one amazing ride!!!

1 comment:

  1. I have to smile when I see his little smiling face....he just warms your heart!!! I hope to stop in and see you next time I'm over.